Elly Stone 2/22/17 Elly Stone 2/22/17

Simplify your life #ownyourfuture

There has been much talk about the benefits of simplification and we're all familiar with the saying 'less is more'.
‘Less’ helps to create space in your life. Space allows for more time to do the things you want to do. Furthermore, it provides an opportunity to slow down, be in the moment and appreciate the world you live in and everything in it.
Some time ago, I participated in a coaching workshop that had a considerable impact on how I live my life. The focus of the workshop was on simplification. During the session, I was confronted by the amount of time and energy I spent on tasks that complicated my life. It didn’t take long to realise that ‘less’ would give me ‘more’ - much more.
By practicing simplification (and I still do today, especially through outsourcing), my world feels less chaotic, more relevant and I am able to be truly present for the things that matter most.

The process too, is 'simple'.

Try the below activity to own your future through simplification and realise the many benefits that ‘less’ will bring.

ACTIVITY: You will need two pieces of butcher paper.

In the middle of the first sheet, write the following question; What would you like to simply?

In the middle of the second sheet, write this question; How will you simplify your life?
Spend time reflecting on what is really important to you and what is currently holding you back from living the life you want to live. Then map your own personal responses for each question. Try to let thoughts flow freely.

I kept the outputs from the workshop I attended as a critical reminder of what and how to simplify my life (see attached). I review it every six months to ensure that I am still on track.

Simplification involves letting go of life’s complications and learning to appreciate what’s in front of us at any particular moment. If you would like support simplifying your life, connect with me by viewing my profile.

Elly Stone is a founding FlexCoach and is passionate about supporting women in business and helping families transition into parenthood. She specialises in life and business coaching, career management and transitions.

Elly Stone 1/28/17 Elly Stone 1/28/17

Wholeness through mindfulness: #ownyourfuture

Any parent will tell you that parenthood is wonderful but it's far from smooth sailing. Raising children comes with highs (they make you laugh and their achievements leave you bursting with pride) and there are lows (tantrums, sibling rivalry and refusal to do homework, housework, eat veggies... the list goes on). A hectic schedule filled with work, school, sports, groceries and a myriad of appointments can leave you feeling completely overwhelmed. Exhausted by the end of the day, it's like being on a treadmill that only stops when you're asleep. Additional problems at work or with your partner, family or friends can combine with all of this to leave you in a heightened state of anxiety.
Put simply, parenting is stressful and when you're caught up in it, it is easy to lose sight of what is really important. Unfortunately, parents are often too busy taking care of everyone else that they do not focus on their own needs. At this stage of life, your health and wellbeing is everything but often feels unattainable.
With the New Year upon us, it is an ideal time to reflect on the way you live your life and the way you want to live it. New Year’s resolutions are easy to set but difficult to keep. Whether you vow to get fit or spend more time with the kids, whatever yours is – rather than set unrealistic expectations, try mindfulness.
Mindfulness is a powerful technique that helps you stay calm and in the moment. It helps you cope in both day-to-day life or deal with tough times. It also boosts your confidence and has great benefits for your physical and mental health.
There are many varying techniques for practicing mindfulness. While many individuals like to meditate I have always found this practice difficult. Instead, I have opted to focus on the following three simple steps, which if practiced daily will reap life changing benefits, reducing anxiety and stress and increasing your wellbeing.
Three steps to mindfulness;
1.   Be self-aware: Being aware of how you’re feeling when stress or anxiety creeps in is the first step to managing stress. Try to notice ‘how and where’ it starts to rise in you. What stimuli has set these feelings off? Does it live in your chest or stomach? Do you start to sweat or feel anxious? Becoming more aware of your triggers and noticing how these feelings rise in you will better enable you to manage them in the moment.
2.   The power of choice: When you start to practice self-awareness, you become conscious of all of your feelings. Anxiety, stress, anger, happiness and when they start to stir within. Certain feelings trigger certain responses (think ‘fight or flight’). The power of choice is a critical point here, because ‘in the moment’ it can feel like you don’t have a choice. That your response to these feelings is innate. Finding an ‘anchor’, a place to rest and be in the moment allows you the opportunity to choose how you want to respond to these feelings. It might be in your stance (try fixing your feet to the ground), breath (slow, deep breaths in and out through your nose) or bringing your hands together and interlocking your fingers (position them in front of your heart). Whatever your anchor, it should feel comfortable, natural and steady you to ‘own’ how you will react to your triggers.
3.   Respond with compassion: Understanding that you have the power of choice and can decide how you want to respond to feelings is a massive and very empowering realisation. Responding from a loving place means being gentle, supportive and kind. Showing compassion and empathy when you would otherwise respond negatively is not an art or science, it’s a choice.

So give it a go. Next time feelings of anxiety start to swell, try being self-aware, secure your anchor and choose to respond with compassion. Not only will you create greater wellbeing and benefit personally, you will positively impact those around you.
The more you practice the easier it becomes to incorporate mindfulness into your daily life (remember, we are changing old life habits, so it will take practice and focus. Be patient with yourself).
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Retreat yourself
Want to own your future in 2017 by being mindful and choosing to live your life well?
Pillars & Stone Retreats are inviting parents (with children) to be part of a two day focus group from 5 – 7 May, 2017. The retreat provides respite, rejuvenation and life-strategy coaching. It is a unique opportunity to slow down, reflect and re-connect with yourself and your child and re-focus on your dreams and aspirations. Through mindfulness, a strength-based approach and values-based living techniques, we will guide and support you in taking steps toward living a balanced, rewarding life. To learn more about the retreat focus group please register your interest by emailing elly@pillarsandstone.com.au

Elly Stone 1/3/17 Elly Stone 1/3/17

Role reversal: Do stay-at-home dads benefit from flexible working options?

More and more men are swapping briefcases for baby bottles, with the number of stay-at-home dads doubling over the past 10 years in Australia. The trend of changing gender roles has many benefits, from strengthening the bond between father and child to supporting women in the workforce. A growing number of companies are also doing their part by offering parental leave to fathers as the primary carer.

However, while the number of stay-at-home fathers is rising overall, when it comes to parental leave, Australia lags behind. Just one in 50 Aussie dads take it, compared to 40 per cent in Portugal and Nordic countries, according to research from the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development.

For most dads, paternity leave is an opportunity to spend invaluable time with their children and allows their partners to return to work. However, many men question the social impact it will have on their lives and their careers. Will I still be perceived as being ambitious? Will my colleagues take me seriously? Will my friends question my ‘manhood’ if my wife is the sole financial provider? The fact is, gender biases still exist. The OECD study reveals that a 'relatively short' period of leave results in more positive employment outcomes, whereas taking leave for longer than a year can damage future earning prospects and increases the likelihood of men leaving the workforce altogether. Understandably, these concerns are key factors in fathers electing not to take long parental leave.

It also raises the question of how authentic businesses are with flexible work offerings.

Are they genuinely supporting men in their quest to become hands-on fathers or is it simply a tick in the box for corporate diversity and inclusion strategies? Employers should encourage fathers to take longer parental leave without fear of consequence. Why?

Encouraging and supporting fathers who take parental leave is hugely important, not just for them but their families. A long-term study by the Child study centre at Yale School of Medicine, proved that a father’s active involvement with his children, from birth to adolescence, promotes greater emotional balance, stronger curiosity and a stronger sense of self-assurance in the child.

Additional studies show that during the first five years of a child’s life, the father’s role is more influential than the mother’s in how the child learns to manage his or her body, navigate social circumstances, and play. And findings by Robert Frank, a professor of child development at Oakton Community College in Illinois revealed that both parents play an equal role in a child’s development but the stay-at-home father arrangement was most beneficial for the child.

Men who leave work to care for their children should therefore be proud of their decision. But just like mothers on maternity leave, men, too, miss stimulating adult conversation and the satisfaction and recognition of a job well done. While mums often socialise through playdates and mothers' groups, these support groups and communities do not exist today for stay-at-home dads. In fact, it can be a downright struggle for fathers, which can lead to overwhelming feelings of isolation.

So, what’s in it for dads and how can we increase parental leave uptake for men?

Parental leave is a special time filled with many memorable moments and provides a unique opportunity to experience fatherhood. It’s also a fabulous time to re-assess future job roles and figure out what’s really important. For instance, some dads may give up work altogether, while others may take on a new business venture that allows them to juggle children and career.

But before fathers can truly benefit, we need to continue to change our culture and the way we think about the workforce and how we support families. Parent support groups are essential and must become inclusive regardless of gender. Even the simplest shifts can make a difference, for example referring to ‘mothers groups’ as ‘parent’ or ‘carer’ groups and setting the expectation that all (regardless of gender) are welcome. Businesses can also do their part by offering flexible working conditions. These may include permitting staff to work remotely or to job-share or work part-time. Return to work programs can also support parents to ensure they hit the ground running in aspirational roles.

If you are a father who would like help transitioning into parenthood or want to learn how to identify and evolve your career while on parental leave, connect with me by viewing my profile.

Elly Stone is a founding FlexCoach and is passionate about supporting women in business and helping families transition into parenthood. She specialises in life coaching, career management and transitions.

Elly Stone 1/3/17 Elly Stone 1/3/17

Networking: Opening doors and creating opportunities

The saying, It's not what you know, it’s who you know, may be a common phrase but when it comes to business, it certainly rings true. How many times have you heard of someone landing a great work opportunity or launching a new venture through 'someone they knew'? It happens all the time and by playing the game, you can also reap the rewards.

The key is knowing how to network successfully. By connecting with others and developing social and professional contacts, you widen your net, allowing more people – and prospects – to come your way.

Networking is by far the most effective way of finding new work opportunities. In fact, 85 percent of jobs are filled via networking, according to a 2015/16 survey by LinkedIn and The Adler Group. The study reveals that even the most active job-seekers rely on networking as their primary means for finding a job. For those 'less active' or 'casually looking' for another employer, networking outranked directly applying for a job by a factor of 3:1. Even more dramatic was the 7:1 ratio for the most passive candidates.

Another interesting study, Women In The Workplace by LeanIn.org and McKinsey & Co., shows that men and women have different professional networks. Responses from 30,0000 interviewees revealed that while networks were similar in size, men had more male networks and women had more female or mixed networks. As a result, women were less likely to have access to senior male contacts. However, senior executive women agreed that having 'connections' had significantly contributed to their career advancement.

So how can you uncover these networking opportunities? Whether you're seeking a new career opportunity or looking to recruit for an open position in your company/team, you need to establish your purpose. Are you new to the city and want to spread your wings? Or perhaps you are looking for new clients to service. Knowing your target audience and where to find them is most important.

A little research will lead you in the right direction. Think about the sectors, companies you’d like to work for (or service) and then the individuals you need to know. For instance, do they belong to an industry association? What are the current mega trends facing this sector? Are there any relevant upcoming industry events or speakers addressing these issues you could attend knowing that your network of interest are likely to be there? You can leverage helpful online business tools such as LinkedIn for identifying targets and industry media news for events.

Before attending any of these events, it is important to be well prepared with a relevant 'elevator pitch'. This will help you to introduce yourself appropriately and should leave them wanting more. Let them know you are aware of a problem they face, how you can help solve it and how it will benefit them and their clients.

The widely-used Gaddie Pitch is an effective tool and easy to apply to any networking situation. It involves three steps:

Explain the problem you are trying to solve – think mega trends ('You know how...?')
Then explain how you can solve that problem – think skills and services ('What we do is...')
Now highlight the benefits and value you bring by providing an example of how you or your business solved that problem – think positive outcome ('In fact, ….)

Now you try it. To get you going, here’s a good example of the Gaddie pitch by Vinspi, an online store for custom tailored men's suits and shirts.

Sharing examples of your previous and relevant experience is important as it illustrates how they will benefit from your expertise and the value you will bring. It also increases the likelihood of them accepting your offer of assistance or confidently referring you to someone they know within their own personal network.

Networking is all about creating a genuine and authentic community around common interests, passions and things that inspire you. Forming relationships that are relevant to you and your clients also gives you an edge when times get tough. Invest your time wisely by focusing on like-minded people and relevant events that will result in positive outcomes. And when introducing yourself, a strong handshake and direct eye contact always makes a lasting impression!

Tip: Remember your ‘elevator pitch’ can serve you well at social functions too. Be ready to engage more widely at your next barbecue. Always seek first to understand your audience before pitching (i.e. who are they? what do they do?). This will give you the upper hand and ensure your pitch is tailored and relevant to them and their needs. So get ready, you never know who you might meet!

Networking can be uncomfortable and can take you out of your comfort zone. For woman, it can be even more challenging as rooms are often dominated by men. If you would like to learn more about how to be effective and build confident networking skills, connect with me by viewing my profile.

Elly Stone is a founding FlexCoach and is passionate about supporting women in business and helping families transition into parenthood. She specialises in life and business coaching, career management and transitions.

Elly Stone 1/3/17 Elly Stone 1/3/17

From boardroom to baby: How to remain confident while your career is on hold

Becoming a parent is a life-changing event that brings overwhelming feelings of love and joy. For many women in the workforce, maternity leave is a welcome opportunity to take an extended break and bond with their newborn. The length of leave varies – some take weeks or months, while others become stay-at-home mums for several years. Motherhood is undoubtedly a crucial and rewarding role, however the reality of giving up work for dirty nappies, sleepless nights and toddler tantrums can be incredibly challenging. The bathroom, once a room of convenience, suddenly becomes a haven for a moment of peace and quiet.

However, the most confronting issue associated with maternity leave is the impact it has on a woman's confidence and self-esteem. Stimulating work, collaborative projects, engaging conversations and regular networking are often replaced by feelings of loneliness and loss of identity. At work, you are surrounded by colleagues who share common interests which creates a sense of belonging. Feeling valued for your work and receiving recognition for your achievements feels great!

Parenting, on the other hand, is an even tougher job with no financial reward and rarely will you receive praise for a job well done. Forced financial dependency, not feeling appreciated, isolation and fear of judgement are common. You may also spend hours without engaging in adult conversation and when you do, it will usually be about all things baby. For those who stay out of the workforce longer, these negative feelings can manifest into self-doubt, lack of confidence and even depression.

According to a 2012 Gallup study of 60,000 mothers, 26 per cent admitted experiencing depression, compared to 16 per cent of working mothers. Retaining self-confidence and boosting self-esteem is therefore critical. Staying stimulated, engaged, connected and inspired contributes to a positive maternity leave experience and greater wellbeing for you and your family.

Below are some maternity leave tips to get you moving in the right direction:

Plug into industry and market news. The world moves at such a rapid rate that if you blink you can miss the next big thing. Stay in-the-know and keep abreast of sector/market news so when you return to work you know what has been happening in your industry.
Stay connected to your workmates and colleagues. Just because you're out of the office, there's no reason you shouldn't stay in touch with your workmates and meaningful networks. Visiting the office gives you a chance to show off the newest (and cutest) family addition and catch up on what's been going on in the business and the market. It also helps you to maintain important relationships and feel connected to your team.
Explore, identify and evolve. Use this time to re-explore your personal values and identify what’s really important to you in this new role of motherhood. Set career goals that align to this vision and purpose so you can live the life you want and have a career that fits your needs and aspirations. This might be a flexible role, lead you to a new business venture or even a career change.
Invest in your personal development. Completing a short course or further study is a great way to stay stimulated and further evolve areas requiring development or new skills. Not only does it look impressive on your resume, it keeps your mind active and when you decide to go back to work, you're more qualified than before.
Leverage social media to stay relevant. Explore topics you are passionate about, connect to relevant interest groups, capture these insights and share your thoughts and opinions. Start an Instagram page, update your Linked-In profile, blog - whatever your interest, get your opinion out there.
Socialise. Easier said than done when sleep deprived but the positive energy you receive from being around friends and family is golden. Make the effort. Get up and get out - you never know who you might meet.
Make time for yourself. Time may be a precious commodity but if a trusted family member or friend is willing to step in and babysit for an hour or so, do something special for yourself. Take up a new hobby, join a dance class, go to the gym or walk along a beach. Do what makes you feel good.
Finally…. be kind to yourself. Being a new Mum is like a roller-coaster ride. You will experience many different emotions on this incredible journey. It is a huge life change. Take it day by day and make the decisions that support you and the life you want to live.

Maternity leave is a special time filled with many memorable moments and provides a unique opportunity to consider your next career or job role. So, how will you spend your time away from the boardroom?

If you would like to explore, identify and evolve your next career move while on maternity leave, connect with me by viewing my profile.